A lot of the most powerful things are annoyingly simple.

That’s partly why we ignore them.

If I tell you there’s a habit that can help calm your nervous system, lower stress, help you sleep, make you feel more grounded, more spacious, less caught up in your head… and it’s basically about changing how you breathe for a few minutes a day… part of the mind goes:

“Yeah, yeah, alright John. But surely it can’t be that powerful.”

And yet, it can.

This year inside The Relaxers, I’m sharing six habits that I’ve found, after decades of doing this work, can make a massive difference to how we feel, how we think, and how we move through life. We began in January with the first habit:

Breathe out more.

It’s simple. It’s free. It has no side effects. And it works.

Why breathing out more helps you relax

Most of us are walking around revved up.

Not necessarily full-on panicking all the time. Just… subtly braced. Tight. Slightly clenched. Slightly in tomorrow. Slightly in that conversation from yesterday. Slightly in the news. Slightly in the “have I forgotten something?” mode.

The body gets the memo.

Breathing gets smaller. Shoulders tighten. Thoughts speed up. The whole system prepares for trouble, whether trouble is actually happening or not.

One of the quickest ways to interrupt that state is to lengthen the out-breath.

That’s it.

Not a spiritual performance. Not a ten-step morning routine involving Himalayan moon water and a handwoven mat made by monks. Just breathing in… and breathing out for longer.

When we do that, we help shift the body from a more stressed, activated state into a more restful, parasympathetic one. In plain English: we calm the freak down.

The 2:3 breath or 4:6 breath

The practice we explored in the session is very simple.

You breathe in for a count of 2 or 4, and breathe out for roughly 50% longer.

So that might be:

• in for 2, out for 3 or 4
• in for 4, out for 6
• or even longer if that feels natural

The key is not to do it like you’re trying to win a medal for Advanced Breathing Excellence.

The key is to find a rhythm that works for your body.

A gentle in-breath.

A slower, longer out-breath.

And then another.

And another.

And another.

If at first it feels a bit clunky, welcome to being human. That’s normal. You’re not failing at breathing. You’re just getting used to a new rhythm.

How longer out-breaths affect the nervous system

One of the reasons I love this practice is that it isn’t just “nice”. It’s not just a vague wellness thing we do because it sounds sensible.

There’s proper substance to it.

When we slow the breath down, and especially when we lengthen the out-breath, it affects the nervous system in very direct ways. Heart rate can slow. Blood pressure can reduce. The whole system gets the message that, at least in this moment, we are safe enough to soften.

And that matters.

Because so much of modern life has us permanently leaning forward internally, even when we’re sitting still.

This breath is like giving yourself a mini tranquilliser, except without needing a prescription, a pharmacy, or a dramatic storyline.

It’s one of the quickest, cleanest ways I know to reach into the body and say:

We can let go a bit now.

The weird thing about this breathing technique

There is a funny little catch with this one.

Sometimes you don’t notice it working while it’s working.

You do the breathing for a few minutes and part of you says, “Hmm. Is this doing anything?”

Then you look back at how you were five minutes earlier and realise:

“Oh. Actually yes. I’m less tense. Less buzzy. Less trapped in the head. Less… grrr.”

It can sneak up on you.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t working. It often means it is.

So one of the tricks here is not demanding fireworks. Not expecting instant enlightenment. Not looking for a brass band to come through the room announcing that your nervous system has now shifted.

Just do the breath.

Then notice.

Breathe out more for sleep, stress and those wobbly moments

This is one of my favourite emergency practices.

Middle of the night and your mind has decided to open a conference on everything that could possibly go wrong? Breathe out more.

Feeling anxious before the dentist, the doctor, a meeting, a journey, a difficult conversation? Breathe out more.

Need help unwinding at the end of the day? Breathe out more.

It’s especially good for sleep because it naturally nudges the system toward softness, slowness, and that lovely drifting quality where the body starts to go, “Oh good, we’re not doing battle anymore.”

A lot of people in the session noticed they felt sleepy almost immediately.

That’s not a bug. That’s a feature.

How to make breathing out more a real habit

The magic is not in reading about this.

The magic is in doing it.

And not in a punishing, “I must become a perfect breathing person by Thursday” sort of way.

Just in a practical, kind, repeatable way.

Five minutes a day is enough to begin.

You can attach it to something you already do:

• at bedtime
• after yoga or Pilates
• while doing the dishes
• before meetings
• after work
• before a nap
• on a walk
• on the train
• in the car, as long as you’re not the one dramatically closing your eyes at traffic lights

Habit-stacking works beautifully here. Put it somewhere obvious in the day. Piggyback it onto something already happening. Let it become normal.

Because once it becomes familiar, it becomes available.

And that’s when it starts to help not just in the calm moments, but in the difficult ones too.

What changes when you practise this regularly

Sometimes the change is immediate.

You feel more relaxed. More spacious. More present. Less scrambled.

Sometimes the change is subtler.

You handle stress a bit better. Sleep comes more easily. You recover more quickly after being thrown off. You react less. You soften faster. You find you’ve got a bit more room inside yourself.

And that room matters.

Because when there’s more room, there’s more choice.

More choice in how you respond.
More choice in what you believe.
More choice in whether you grip… or release.

That’s what this habit is really about.

Not just breathing.

Releasing.

The first of six habits for a more relaxed life

Inside The Relaxers for the first half of 2026, I’m guiding people through six habits that, together, can change the way we live, feel and respond to life.

Here they are:

January – Breathe Out More
February – Appreciate More
March – Notice More
April – Be More Kind to Yourself
May – Here-Now More
June – Care Less

These aren’t abstract ideas to admire from a distance.

They’re practical habits. Things to do. Ways to shift your biology, your attention, your relationship with yourself, and your experience of everyday life.

And the lovely thing is this:

You don’t have to have been there from the start.

If you join The Relaxers now, the habits that have already happened are there ready for you on replay, so you can catch up and go deeper in your own time.

Join The Relaxers

If this habit speaks to you, and you’d like to explore it more deeply with me, come and join us in The Relaxers.

You’ll get access to the six-habit series, including the sessions already released on replay, along with the chance to practise, reflect and make these powerful shifts real in your daily life.

Because relaxing isn’t just a nice idea.

It’s a skill.
It’s a habit.
And, happily, it’s one we can learn.

Come and be a Relaxer.