THE F**K IT BE YOU VIDEO SEMINAR SERIES with GAIA POLLINI

Gaia’s Video Seminar Series
Your free videos are below, released every couple of days

1. THE HIDDEN SOURCE TO OUR PROBLEMS
Seminar 1 (of 4).
Discover Gaia’s revolutionary idea for dealing with our problems.

2. WHICH ADAPTIVE TYPE ARE YOU?
Seminar 2 (of 4).
This is the First Step to discovering the ‘Hidden Source’ to your problems – identifying which Adaptive Type you are.

3. THE FULL PATH BACK TO YOU
Seminar 3 (of 4).
In this video, Gaia goes through her full ‘Hidden Source’ process – the step-by-step guide – to take you on the ‘Path Back to You’.

VIDEO 4. HOW TO GET ON THE PATH BACK TO YOU…
This last video of the series guides you on how to get on the Path Back to You – 
By joining Gaia’s new F**k It Be You University as a First Year Founder.

And please do leave a comment below…

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212 Comments

  1. Judith

    My main thought is – what if you become more yourself and realise that you don’t like yourself! Does that ever happen?

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Wow – what a powerful ending to vid 3 ! I felt that song xx

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Thank you.
      Yes powerful song eh!
      I’ll tell Leone you loved it.
      F**k It be you. That’s the way.
      Big Love
      Gaia

      Reply
  3. Shirley G.

    I just watched the third video and was so touched by the story of Sarah. I am eager to see the last video and hope I can start the work of finding out who I am. Ironically my former career was as a nurse doing chronic disease management, and one of my admired traits was being a good listener. But when I retired 4 years ago, I found no one wanted to listen to ME and I was ready to give up listening to everyone’s health and emotional issues (I was also a psychiatric nurse). I fear I have lost a few friends over this as they have seen too great a change in me, I guess. My concern now is how my husband of 45 years might handle me “finding myself” as I am the people pleaser and have been trying to make HIS retirement as rosy as possible, since he struggled a bit with us being home again together after years of working! I know I am also a “catastrophic thinker” and this is quite a downer for him. Thank you so much again Gaia for the wonderful videos, so easy to understand and all three of them have made me cry.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Shirley,
      John here, I just saw your message about Lisa and Sarah, so I sorted it 🙂
      Gaia will be with you soon with a response too.
      John

      Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Shirley.

      Yes I get your concern about how your husband will deal with you finding yourself ( which you are on the path of, by having chosen that now you want people to listen to you. Yay!). Usually when we change within ourselves, it requires some processing with those we love, particularly our partners. It’s gonna happen, because when our inner dynamic changes the outer dynamic will too. And that is good, and will require some working together with your partner. And usually when there is love and if we are clear with ourselves about not giving up our feelings and our needs, a new way to be together comes, love finds its way to follow the new set up.
      I understand about losing some friends. When we really start changing, we often realise who is really right for us. It can be painful but in the end it is important and healing to be with those with whom with have a truly reciprocal relationship.
      Welcome to this journey.
      Big love
      Gaua

      Reply
  4. Lisa

    Late to the party, just watched all 3 videos now, finally!
    Thank you!
    Simple clear and very nurturing.
    I feel loved and accepted while watching.
    I am impressed how, even with minimum movement, and a very straight “teacher pose”, I still feel the connection, the warmth and the good space.
    Thank you!

    About the topic:
    This is deep and moving, looking at little Lisa adapting and surviving – how courageous and strong she had to be!! And how as adult I can let that go… I will sit and let my feelings move inside. This tender moment feels good, in a scary way.

    Thank you, the whole family, for creating this for us!

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      PERFECTIONIST

      Reply
      • Gaia Pollini

        Hello,
        Thanks for sharing about your adaptive type.
        Love and hugs
        Gaia

        Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Lisa.
      Lovely to read your message and your process.
      Sitting and letting the feelings move inside… just perfect. And seeing your younger self with such tenderness…

      I love it that you can feel the space and the connection. Yes that’s what matters to me, even when I am in the teacher pose 🙂 it is all about that, being able to feel and connect.

      Sending you huge love.
      Gaia

      Reply
  5. Chris

    What a wonderful 3rd video and such a beautiful song sung by your son. Reminded me of Ed Sheran in places!

    My journey to being more me has felt quite lonely and sometimes still does, but on a recent trip abroad I actually felt a level of confidence in myself I’d never felt before, and I realised even if I find difficulty shaking off certain feelings, hitting rock bottom and finding the strength to stand up again helped me to put me first for the first time in my life. And ‘that’ feels a good place to be.

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Chris.
      Yeah. Big congratulations to you, realising how much you matter and putting yourself firs.
      This new feeling you felt on your trip sounds so important. And it is so amazing when we realise and experience that something has changed, when a new feeling finally is there… real and there. There nothing like it.
      And I really honour your journey and you including how challenging it can be.

      I’ll pass to Leone your feedback on the song. He will love that.

      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  6. XM

    Thank you again Gaia. The bit that touched me most was how you said that Sarah was proud of herself and her ability to be truthful. Love that perpective.

    Now for that University… I’m sold! where do we sign up? Where do I pay? I’m ready and can’t wait for the launch! :p

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello XM.
      You’re very welcome.
      Yes when we really connect to our truth and our ability to be real, the feeling of pride that comes is so powerful and self affirming.
      You’ll see an email in half an hour about about how to sign up.
      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  7. elaine

    So I am like Kay who wrote so poignantly about feeling trapped by her mother needs, only for me it has been both parents and indeed everyone else as well. You are so right Gaia it is an internal struggle though it has taken me time to see that. The pressure is coming from me and I find myself arguing with myself over whether I should please others or please myself. It feels like a terrible trap. My hearts desire is to be free to live my own life, please myself without putting anyone else needs first UNLESS I CHOOSE TO which is key I think. I would like this to be so automatic I no longer think to question my right to do what I want and make me happy. Something to work on in our 1-1’s!

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Elaine.
      Thanks for sharing.
      You’re totally right, the pressure that actually blocks us is the one that comes from the inside, the one that makes us suppress our own feeling and needs.
      And your desire is so clear!
      Yes, a perfect journey for the 1-1s.
      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  8. Tanya Holman

    Hearts desire is to find peace and to feel both safe and loved.

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Tanya.
      Powerful words from the heart.
      The heart’s desire is such an opening to ourselves and out truth… and an important step in starting this process of discovering what old programming is in the way out this authentic wish.
      And you’ll see the next step of the process in the video later today.
      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  9. alex gulland

    I would like to fully realise my dream of working with horses to help people with leadership issues and connecting with their work colleagues

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Alex –
      Wow, how beautiful –
      We can see you doing that, lovely –
      Love to you,
      John and Gaia x

      Reply
  10. Kay S

    My heart’s desire for almost 15 years now is to be free of the overwhelming commitment I feel for my 94-year old mother. She told me she had me to make her feel better when her mother died. As her only child, her focus has been totally on me since my father died 14 years ago and I feel as if she’d suck the life-blood from me if I allowed it. My feeling is, when am I ever going to be free to be myself (time is running out at age 67!) and not have to think of her and her needs?

    Reply
    • Steph

      My heart’s desire…I think, very simply, is to be at peace. With others and most importantly, with myself. Not to feel emotional turmoil, or at least for it not to rule me. To be in control of it at all times would be enough and lead to a far improved quality of life.

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Steph,
        I’ve written a book about that 🙂
        Yes, it’s a beautiful intention to have – and a beautiful direction to be heading in –
        towards peace –
        and the ultimate (and in the end, easier) peace we can find is peace with not being peaceful, peace with the trouble and the turmoil.
        Love to you,
        John (& Gaia) x

        Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Kay.
      Thank you for expressing this very important need.
      It sounds like a strong pressure and requirement on you, not just practical but also emotional. So, the work I’d invite is with the emotional bit in us which feels the responsibility of someone else’s happiness and of someone else’s emotional okayness. We cannot do that for anyone… Even when love is involved. So I would support the looking at what in you needs to fulfill that for her – even if on the surface it is your mum who is requiring this we can look at how we participate in something that so against our desire. That bit that can be processes and freed. And often also the practical aspect can shift, when the emotional bit shifts. And of course it is a process, as there are so many forces (external and external) that keep us bind. But funnily enough the internal ones are the ones that keep us stuck, and fortunately the ones we can change. Whatever our age. What matters is the desire. I have clients in their 70’s who are changing their lives and emotions. I have such trust in us people.

      Reply
      • Kay S

        Thank you, Gaia
        I understand what you’re saying – it’s deep, but I can do deep. Somehow your response in itself has shifted what felt like a hopeless situation into more of a hopeful one. I’ve done some work on this in the past, but was feeling stuck in the process of it all. Your trust in people is also uplifting. Bless you.

        Reply
    • Anon

      I can related to this completely. Know that you’re not alone x

      Reply
  11. Edda Booth

    “What is your heart’s desire?”That is an interesting question, Gaia, as I have so many!

    I have learnt from an early age that life for most people on this planet is often a tough game, but because we exist, we have to live and play our role in society. “Love holds the key to every heart”, my Mom used to say, and she used to say ” Edda, always stay focused, stay happy, believe in yourself, and one day you will find what you are looking for in your heart” Without her love, support, understanding and compassion I do not think that I would have achieved a lot in life.

    I believe that I am very blessed for being able to pursue my heart’s desires every time I had a dream. Being in harmony with myself and all the people I dearly love helped me to pursue my dreams and a career which provided me with a fairly good financial situation, but If I could follow my heart, now, and if I had superpowers, I would give every person on this planet enough money to make them live happily and comfortably forever, and I would invent a super drug that would cure every untreatable illness to stop the suffering. Saving the humanity and making the future a better place for our children and grandchildren is my deepest heart desire these days.

    I know that our heart’s desire makes almost every dream come true, but we have to want it, and first of all, we have to believe in it, and do what we love, what we really feel in our heart, as what we all desire is all part of what we are and what we aim for in life.

    In addition, I would add here this very famous quote by Mahatma Gandhi:

    “Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you.”

    Beautiful, and so true!

    Ti auguro il meglio,
    Con amore Edda x

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Ciao Edda 🙂

      I love that quote! thanks for sending it.
      I truly feel and see in all people that our full aliveness and deep light is in us, already fully there, and it just got covered up by the survival mechanisms. And when those are out of the way, wow resonate with hugeness. And big possibilities.
      Big big love and thanks for sharing your heart’s desire.
      Gaia

      Reply
  12. Jill

    In response to your email about what we most want, I’d say that for me it would be to feel connected to my life, to feel I belong somewhere and also belong with the people around me – guess in searching for home.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Jill,
      Yes, we really hear that and relate with it –
      and having that clarity allows you to more easily manifest it –
      and also see what might get in its way (and that’s part of the process in Gaia’s next video),
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  13. Carol

    I want to feel better about myself. Get rid of the “I’m not good enough” mentality. I have found a special someone who has my heart. I believe I have theirs, but I do t want to take my old baggage with me. I’m older, and want to hurry this along, but am holding back and I am hurting. Maybe I want this to work too much

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Carol,
      Well maybe you have a point about wanting it too much –
      because that can create tension which tends to block us (and life) –
      But your focus is good and clear –
      To get at this ‘I’m not good enough’ thing –
      And an easy way to start with nurturing self-love is with being kinder to ourselves –
      Just giving ourselves a break – including on the self-love thing 🙂
      And also knowing that 90% of people are doing the same things, thinking the same (self-critical) things,
      Love,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  14. Natasha

    Dear Gaia. Thank-you for your videos. I did feel emotions when watching them, which is good for me. I have many adaptive survival mechanisms, learning about them, what I did to survive is hard. I do as a whole think I use all 5 but my main one has been dissociation…it’s not happening to me. This probably fits overall more with the outsider, the sense of never belonging or connecting. I have dissociative identity disorder, so exploring being more myself feels very important but quite complex at the moment.

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Natasha.
      Thanks for sharing. I really hear how you see the importance and the challenge. And that you felt emotions, so important.
      What I find very powerful is to always remember that any of the adaptive and protective mechanisms (so certainly including dissociation) originally came to save us and help us survive in set ups which were not supportive of our needs and our delicate sense of safety. So we just had to find a way to survive this. And we did.
      Part of the process is to become so kind and compassionate and understanding of that part of us ( this younger part) who had to come up with the survival strategy. We truly were incredible for getting through it all.
      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  15. Fran

    My heart’s desire is to find a job I love and stop worrying about money.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Fran,
      And we assume the first leads to the second.
      Could the second lead to the first?
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  16. Ruthie Cunliffe

    Hearts desire:

    To laugh more and be less afraid of judgement and of other people’s negative reactions. To not worry about what people think I SHOULD be doing and just do what I want to do.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Ruthie,
      Yes, lovely –
      ‘What you think of me is none of my business’.
      This is a beautiful intention indeed Ruthie,
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  17. Turid

    Connection. People in my life.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Turid.
      Yes. And there are many people out there who want the same. And with you.
      The door is now open.
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  18. Jacqueline

    What is my heart’s desire?
    Yes, to be with a special someone. To stop ending up with someone who lies to me and takes advantage of my good nature, but to be with someone who is as honest and open and kind as I try to be with other people.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Jacqueline,
      Yes, that intention is now stated and out there –
      beautiful,
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  19. jdk

    WHAT’S YOUR HEART’S DESIRE?

    Hmm. A few years ago when I thought I had it all together personally and also had God figured out and in a box (quite a small box, it turned out), I would have rattled off a list of concise goals in relation to my mission and purpose in life, but now, having gone through an intense period of emotional suffering and sweeping spiritual change, I have to honestly say …

    I have no idea.

    And I’m okay and at peace with that in this moment. At the same time, I continue to see little threads in my life that keep weaving together and leading me farther down this path of life that shines a little brighter as the days and months pass … and I believe this video series is a major thread in this pilgrimage, so thank you both again! : )

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello JDK.
      You’re so welcome.
      And beautiful words you sent. Little threads waving together taking us where we need to go, including all the bits. Not always an easy path, but always THE path, this one, that we are walking now 🙂
      Lovely to hear you.
      The next video is coming out today. Enjoy

      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  20. jeremy

    What do I desire…to love myself, so I can love…to believe I am enough….to stop being hard on myself….no matter who or what has happened….

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Jeremy,
      Yes yes yes.
      We’re reading this over breakfast,
      And that would be a good desire to express every single morning –
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  21. Ann

    I desire to become a true version of me!
    – To set boundaries, daring to listen to my intuition and to find my way and get the chance to truly connect with other people and live a life that can be meaningful to me.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Ann,
      Beautiful. Amen.
      There’s a clear intention if ever there was one,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  22. Andrea

    Time and space, to rest and slow down.

    Always thank you <3

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      That’s beautiful Andrea.
      And you’ll see the next step of the process in the video later today.
      Love
      Gaia

      Reply
      • Laura

        Just watched Video 2. I am a perfectionist. It was so eye opening finding this out. Looking forward to video 3

        Reply
  23. John C. Parkin

    Hi everyone,
    We’ve just asked you via email a question –
    WHAT’S YOUR HEART’S DESIRE?
    It’s the first question that Gaia asks in her full ‘Hidden Source’ process that you’re going to learn about in video 3 (coming soon) – the ‘Path Back to You’.
    It really helps to ask this question before you see that upcoming video –
    In fact, it really helps to ask that question, period (as our friends over the pond would say) 🙂
    John & Gaia x

    Reply
  24. Jen Parker

    Superwomathat’s been n and infact a lot of my friends send me the superwoman sticker….that’s been challenged a lot recently after doing ivf 4 times and it hasn’t worked. Always thought I could “sort it out” and “make it happen” because I always have but the power in letting that go is an amazing feeling. I’m not there yet but I’m definitely getting there. Thank you for this, it’s resonants and has profound benefits

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Jen.
      Thanks for sharing.
      Yes life does come and challenges our long held ways.
      And I am really hearing how you are opening to the power of letting go. Big acknowledgments to you.
      Lots of love
      Gaia

      Reply
    • Anonymous

      My heart’s desire is to be accepted as I am.

      I’m tired of the workplace politics and you should look like this, you should say things this way, you should hide your feelings and your passion for what you do behind a “professional” mask. And not react when somebody targets you.

      Why should we all speak and act as automatons rather than people with feeling? And why can’t i Display the same behaviours as the person gettting at me? Why does reflecting someone else’s attitude/?behaviour to stand up for myself make me the bad person?

      Reply
  25. Liz Baxter

    Thanks beautiful people really interesting.
    I identify with all but mainly Independent – my theme song is ‘I am a rock’ – was proud -now not so much 🙂 . Feeling a bit guilty tho because my grown up daughter displays all too and I thought I was a better parent to her than my parents were to me …… now she has 2 gorgeous babies one is sensitive and thoughtful the other thinks everything is funny and barges his way through life. So my question would be what part does nature/nurture play in this theory – some people breeze through life while other are hurt at every slight.
    Cant wait for the next one – keep up the great work. x

    Reply
    • Liz Baxter

      ooops meant Outsider oh well F**k it Im not perfect x

      Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hey Liz,
      thanks for your words.
      that is a really good question, nurture/nature.
      We have twin boys… so we could say we have studied this closely 🙂
      they are so different.
      They were born different! So there must be something that his not do with parenting.
      Anyway I think whatever we do as parents, each child has his and her journey to take. And even if we are brilliant parents, they have a unique path to uncover and they have to work through their stuff. And of course there will be different degrees of coping behaviors depending on how tough we had it in childhood. But I think every journey is unique, and each step of discovery of our true nature is amazing.
      Anyway it sounds like you are a beautiful parent… a very conscious one.
      About the I am a rock… I feel the humor in you acknowledging your stuff. Please listen to U2 Every Breaking Wave… That speaks to me of letting go.
      The next video is coming out soon, I think you’ll enjoy that.

      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
      • Suzanne

        Heart’s desire?? Well it’s my heart so a special relationship is what it desires. I am afraid to ask for this but it’s time.

        Reply
  26. Anonymous

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Love to you
      Gaia

      Reply
  27. Andrew

    very interesting and I see a little bit of each adaptive type coming out at different stages of my life, but no particular one hit home…. I can also see how the different pressures we are put under during our childhood, and even teen years, from parents, ‘well meaning’ teachers and adults, and peer pressure force us to adapt to one or more of those types. It’s all about ‘fitting’ into a society which follows and praises (in my humble opinion anyway) the wrong values (achievement, success, possessions, fashion etc) before looking at individualism, abilities self-worth and so on…
    I discovered Taoism many years ago, and from that I learnt to say F**k it to many situations that before would have stressed me out badly; so I loved it when I discovered (through the Barefoot Doctor) your books… it sort of confirmed my way of thinking…… I still find myself stressing ocassionally, and I probably still use my adaptive types from time to time, but these days probably more to keep the peace around me… thanks I enjoyed that

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Thank you Andrew for your comment and your view.
      Lovely to hear you’re following the flow and saying F**k It to situations that require that.
      Yes I agree that so many values that actually irrelevant to us, to our true spirit are forced upon us, and they make us veer away form our truth. And it is rather unnecessary. What we actually need when we grow up is a lot of safety and appreciation and recognition of we already are. Then our truth guides us. I am just glad that we can reconnect to that, whatever our age. And to the flow.
      Love (and appreciation 🙂
      Gaia

      Reply
  28. Hannah

    Hi Gaia

    Could you expand on perfectionist and rejection in early life for our sexuality, what we mean by sexuality (and how this expresses in early years), and is this type always related to rejection of sexuality, rather than rejection for other traits? I find I’m resisting this description a bit (therefore there may well be some relevance for me).

    Also amazed (and sense of relief in a way) to see there’s a type called an outsider, as I have been recognising recently that I have a very strong story around not belonging. I’d heard of adaptive types, but had never come across the outsider before.

    Thanks for making and sharing these videos x

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Hannah.
      I ll give you a quick explanation about this, but you’ll soon see that there is a possibility of exploring this work more deeply with me in my membership group (online) and in 1-to-1s. This work is so related to different hidden aspects of self rejection and shame ( not just sexual – whatever deep need we were denied becomes a form of shame of that need). So moving through shame and guilt is at the core of this work.
      About the sexuality phases. The earlier one – 4-6 years old, is a phase when sexuality shows up, we become very tactile and very sensual. Sometimes this is uncomfortable for parents, who disconnect from this expression of us, or judge it or even punish it. Because sexuality is an integral part of our being, the child experiences this a rejection of their being.
      The next phase 12-15 is actually more overtly sexual, and again can create a disconnection or judgment in parents.
      In the end though the adaptation we take with us is a form of self rejection, we never feel fully worthy (because we felt rejected). But of course that is not the truth about us! We are worthy…
      I hope this helps.
      Ciao & Love
      Gaia

      Reply
  29. Shirley Lynch

    Thank you Gaia – what a beautiful video 🙂
    I do have a little bit of each of those behaviors in me – depending on who I am interacting with.
    Thank you both so much for offering these videos !

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Shirley,
      You’re very welcome.
      Yes exactly, different coping strategies come up in different situations and in different relationships.
      In the next video I go through the full ‘Path back to You’, which includes all the different strategies.
      Big Love
      Gaia

      Reply
  30. Bernard

    This is very good stuff, thank you Gaia.

    I was an outsider, until I woke up to myself. I always used to say there was a piece of me that was missing, and that was why I couldn’t relate to other people or form meaningful relationships.

    It took years and much struggle to find the real me. I wish I’d had these videos 20 years back!

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Bernard.
      Thanks for your words, profound words.
      Yes it is like we had to leave a bit us behind. And isn’t it so beautiful that we can have it back?
      And of course the struggle is not so pleasant at all. While it is good when we start to know what is happening.

      Next video is coming out soon. Enjoy.
      Big Love
      Gaia

      Reply
  31. Dylan

    Outsider here.
    Feeling like I never quite fit in.
    I even have a stag tattoo to represent “going stag” an expression meaning “going alone”.

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Ciao Dylan.
      Are you interested in not going alone any more?
      Our heart’s desire is such a different energy from our coping mechanisms. When we get in touch with it, there starts the process ( the work is with all the fears that stop us form having what our hearts desires). So i am wondering what you’d love… and what’s the fear if you actually got that.
      Thanks for sharing yourself (which in itself is the opposite of going alone 🙂
      ciao & love
      Gaia

      Reply
  32. Elaine

    The helper
    Always been the same happily helping others always looking for approval.

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Elaine.
      Yes that’s the helper.
      But we don’t really get seen like that. Or approved of. We just get to help everyone.
      I wonder how it’s been for you being a helper.
      The next video is coming out soon. You will soon see that there is a possibility of exploring this work more deeply with me in my membership group (online) and in 1-to-1s.
      I work deeply with the helper. Many of us have some of that in us.
      Big love
      Gaia

      Reply
  33. seth

    I had a feeling I have been caught out by this seemingly endless loop of people pleasing….getting tired now – but i have read your books – brilliant!

    Reply
    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello Seth.
      Yes it is tiring…
      The next video is out soon and it talks about that.
      Gaia X

      Reply
  34. jdk

    Thanks so much for Video 2! So clearly and powerfully presented, and it really hammered home that I’ve been a people pleaser. Been thinking about how you said adaptive types are shaped early in life and how my mind wanted to see the type being formed only in the face of major trauma, but then it hit me that any level of trauma, especially in childhood, will start to trigger the creation of adaptive types. I never experienced high-level trauma until marriage to someone with a personality disorder and so thought my adaptive type was a result of that trauma, but in really thinking back on my younger years, I can see how this adaptive type came about because of so-called little things happening in our family then. So thanks for all the insights that help us travel from fear to love and be ourselves! : )

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I always knew I had issues resulting from the extreme abuse during childhood at home, which gave me all 5 adaptive mechanisms and has been what I’ve been using throughout all life and interactions. I have found that not being in a relationship, even though lonely and sometimes depressing, is actually most beneficial for myself. Because, the odds of being in a relationship that only continues my adaptive mechanisms are 100% not in my favor. And I’m worth so much more than what my fuqqd up adaptive mechanisms are.

      Reply
      • Lisa

        I’d also like to add that everybody says I have such wonderful traits (the 5 adaptive of course)… Well duh, if it benefits the receiver then they’ll praise it. Yet the whole reciprocal theory does not exist with any of them. Hence the validity of circumnavigation interaction

        Reply
        • Gaia Pollini

          Hello Lisa.
          big yes to you and your deep awareness.

          I am getting what you say and that your priority is not to create a relationship based on adaptive stuff.

          I am wondering how you feel about the possibility of a true relationship with reciprocal connection.
          I can hear in your words that reciprocity would be more your choice.
          Big love
          Gaia

          Reply
          • Lisa

            Yes, recripricocity definitely is preferred, however past experience has thoroughly convinced me that until I get myself right that preference is best left for later. 51 is still “young” I’m told … By everyone older than me of course 🙂

    • Gaia Pollini

      Hello JdK.
      Totally well said.
      The developmental trauma is not about a big event (major trauma or also called shock trauma).
      Most of us deal with developmental trauma in some ways, as it is about the ways in which our true and core needs were not met, and how we had to adapt, by shutting off such needs and some true expressions of us (and reverting to adaptive behaviors instead).
      And this is not about a major even but about a prolonged situation (family set up) that in some ways was failing us, failing our true needs and failing to welcome us just as we are. And most of us had in some way to endure that. So developmental trauma (at the core of this work) is about moving on from the ways we learnt to disconnect from our true selves and true needs, by seeing how that turns up in adult life.
      So it seems like a huge insight that you saw how the people pleasing was developed in your early life. And how those so-called little things are BIG things to a little one (us!). And in there there is a lot healing already. Something was not right for us, rather than, there is something wrong with me.
      Lots of love
      Gaia

      Reply
  35. Eileen and O'Driscoll

    I identified with outsider and perfectionist adaptive patterns especially the latter. I was struck by your comment that if we weren’t loved in a way that included and approved of our sexuality, we developed a sense of being imperfect and not enough. Would a sense of shame in relation to one’s sexuality or an attempt to hide shame be a part of this adaptive pattern? Looking forward to Video 3? Will you be covering this work in next year’s workshops. Thanks very much Gaia and John.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Eileen,
      Yes, a sense of shame about one’s sexuality and an attempt to hide that shame is part of this adaptive pattern.
      I would also to add that shame in general is a driving force beneath our adaptive behaviours.
      I look a lot into the shame-based feelings that reveal what we had to shut off in ourselves.
      This whole work takes us back to seeing how beautiful and okay we are (including our sexuality).
      Yes, we’ll be looking at this in one of the retreats next year.
      And I also do a membership programme for deep experience and learning in these areas –
      I’m opening that soon (I do so once a year) –
      So you’ll find out more from emails etc. soon,
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
      • Eileen and O'Driscoll

        Thank you both, Gaia and John, for replying to my query.

        Reply
  36. Rob

    Just watched the first video – Goosebumps and the hairs on my arms stood on end. What an amazing insight and how generous for you to put this seminar series out there for free….
    Many thanks, i’m looking forward to learning more

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Thanks Rob,
      I love sharing this work –
      Especially when it creates goosebump and hair reactions 🙂
      It is powerful work isn’t it?
      Enjoy the rest,
      Love to you,
      Gaia x

      Reply
  37. Jan Hewett

    Hi,

    Very interesting and I found I was 4 of those. It also interestingly links to a recent chat with a child protection lawyer/hypnotherapist on past trauma causing disease and again how that can be released and cured. I look forward to the following videos, thank you Gaia

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Jan,
      Yes, the basis of this work is developmental trauma and it does allow one to heal these adaptive patterns that come from difficult experiences in childhood.
      Next video coming soon,
      Love to you,
      Gaia x

      Reply
  38. Anne Thorn

    Very interesting. I could identify in some way with all of them but being an outsider and superwoman resonated the most. I am seen by my friends as a strong coper, so no one rushes to help me and I find it hard to ask. I see life as ‘me against the world’. When my son died no one rushed over to help but then I didn’t ask either.
    I also get told I’m confrontational and sometimes rude and aggressive, when I think I’m just being me. I feel I am constantly rejected if I show my true colours. I once said to a boyfriend, ‘once you get to know the real me you will leave me’ – and he did so that just validated my belief that I am unlovable as me, and only lovable if I hide my true personality.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Anne,

      I am really hearing you.
      Yes when when we give people the script that we are okay doing it all on our own, people really do believe us and offer no help… And of course this is a coping mechanism (from early age) , it is not our true desire to do it all on our own, and I know it is not yours.

      About the feeling ‘if you know me you won’t like me’, usually it is a core feeling of the people pleaser, who had to learn to be ‘nice’ in order to feel acceptable, and deeply feels that the real them is never going to be enough or likeable (again this comes from early life’s experiences).
      Somehow I feel that that guy was not right for you…
      Some of the healing here comes from seeing that some people are open to who we are and from us starting to choose those (so when we show the real us, they actually get closer), and also realising that some people are just not right for us.

      Lots of love
      Gaia

      Reply
  39. Gillian Poor

    Hello! Have just watched v1, and sounds very like Winnicot’s True Self / False Self theory – but explained in non-theoretical terms. I’m studying counselling so following this closely – for myself and my clients! Thank you xx

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Gillian,
      All the best with the study –
      Gaia supports a lot of therapists and counsellors in her work –
      So you’ll enjoy the blueprint of the theory in the next video too,
      Ciao,
      John

      Reply
    • Hannah

      Hi Gaia

      Could you expand on perfectionist and rejection in early life for our sexuality, what we mean by sexuality (and how this expresses in early years), and is this type always related to rejection of sexuality, rather than rejection for other traits? I find I’m resisting this description a bit (therefore there may well be some relevance for me).

      Also amazed (and sense of relief in a way) to see there’s a type called an outsider, as I have been recognising recently that I have a very strong story around not belonging. I’d heard of adaptive types, but had never come across the outsider before.

      Thanks for making and sharing these videos x

      Reply
  40. Edda Booth

    Dear Gaia,

    Such a heartfelt, beautiful speech! Just listening to your soft voice, makes me feel so much more positive about myself, and life in general. I can identify myself as a perfectionist and a helper, who constanly worries about other people’s needs, who suffer or have less than I. As a result, I just give, give, give to help and please everybody.

    I think you gave me an insight into how I should change this ‘pleaser/helper’ attitude, when I interract with my family and other people. No matter how much I give, no one is grateful for my honest kindness and support. I feel like being used all the time. That is when the hurt, self doubt and disappointments set in! It is so unfair, but I am strong and I am constantly changing and evolving, and my coping mechanism is getting better.

    I have just finished reading another interesting book, The Chimp Paradox ( The Mind Management), by Dr Steve Peters. It helps me to become the person I want to be withiut being hijacked by my Chimp :), into being someone else.

    I have to learn to understand myself better and to manage my emotions and thoughts. You are right, “just Be Yourself”, The only problem is that since I tried to be myself, I outrage people, as I am more outspoken and sarcastic. They are not used to it, but they will be!

    Thank you for your free video, the advice! Thank you for being such a wonderful human being! A Superwoman :)! You must be!

    Love Edda xx

    Thank you

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Edda,
      Thanks for all you’ve shared about yourself and your journey.
      Ultimately, this process is about getting in touch with our feelings fully, and feeling the validity of them all… and how much our relationship changes with the world once we validate our feelings like this.
      It is as if the world around us becomes a very different place when we don’t dismiss ourselves any longer.
      This is a key part of the Path Back to You (and I go through this in more detail in the next video).
      You’ll see that it can be not so much about strength but more about feeling and connecting with all the aspects of yourself, including vulnerability, and your need for help (from those that we offer help to instead!),
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  41. Simona

    Great to read all the comments and get orientation and inspiration from it. Can´t really identify my adaptive mechanism. All of them sound familiar to me. Maybe in the next video it´becomes clear.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Simona,
      Yes, they’re all likely to ring bells for us, that’s true –
      And these adaptive mechanisms are all about how we suppress certain feelings and we cover them up with behaviours that haven’t got much to do with how we actually feel.
      So maybe a good way for you would be start getting a sense of which feelings you’re uncomfortable with, and that you tend to avoid.
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John

      Reply
  42. Ruthie Cunliffe

    Hey,

    I found it hard to recognise which behaviour I was – relating to them all, but people pleaser and outsider made me feel upset the most.

    Looking forward to the next video x

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hello Ruthie,
      It’s great to hear from you – hope you’re well.
      Yes, we do usually resonate with them all, and the different adaptive mechanisms come up in different situations, or with different people…
      So this work usually entails processing them all in the different ways that they pop up in our lives.
      Different themes will reveal different adaptive mechanisms,
      So sometimes it’s worth noticing which situations brings up which adaptive traits.
      Love to you,
      Gaia and John x

      Reply
      • Ruthie Cunliffe

        That’s a great way to look at it, I understand that better now, thanks x

        Reply
  43. Rachel Roberts

    And I am definitely a People Pleaser! I text my sister immediately to ask her if she agreed. Her answer was ‘Yep!!!!!!’ lol Super excited to watch the next video and work out how to move forward. Thank you!!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Rachel,
      Ah yes, so many of us are (are you pleased we said that? good) –
      You’ll love the next video – as it acts like a ‘blueprint’ for the ‘path back to you’ that Gaia has mapped out,
      Ciao,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  44. Babs

    Hi, I used to be a helper and perfectionist (until I crashed…), I recognize myself very much in the people pleaser but the outsider gave my heart a little shock. However, I don’t understand how being an outsider can be a survival mechanism?

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Babs,
      You ask about the ‘outsider’ and how it can be a survival mechanism…
      Those that relate to this ‘type’ are usually people who didn’t get enough connection when they were very young. They need it, but they didn’t get it. So they then ‘adapt’ by forgoing the need for connection and believing that they have to do it all on their own.
      They tend to be self-sufficient people, they deeply desire connection, but are scared of it, and feel that they are ‘outsiders’ but make up for it by telling themselves that they don’t need others, that they’re different to others (and thus somehow justifying their separation), and also thus perpetuating the loop.
      When they start feeling safer in asking for connection, and they get it, they realise they’re not separate, and not so much ‘outsiders’ after all.
      We hope that helps,
      Love,
      Gaia & John

      Reply
      • Babs

        Thank you, Gaia and John, hm, then maybe I’m not really an outsider. It’s certainly true that I missed out on love, affection and acceptance, both at home and at school. I always longed to be part of a “group”, to belong, but because I was different (due to my home situation and my highsensitivity – being an empath – I watched from the outside, and every now and then I managed to find a friend, who was also outside of the groups. Anyway, looking forward to the next videos. Many thanks, and do keep f**ing.

        Reply
  45. Anne Mayne

    This video was so enlightening. I didn’t realise how terrified I was about being myself! Thanks for the enlightenment. I look forward to becoming a brave woman and finding my way back to myself before it’s too late! You are such a lovely person!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      You’re so welcome Anne.
      This is a beautiful journey, you will see.
      You really got it, that we are scared of being ourselves because – by not being ourselves, that’s how we survived and fitted into our families.
      So it’s scary to go our own way, but, aahhhh, that’s where life is.
      And it’s worth working with the fear.
      The next video is, indeed, ‘The Path Back to You’ 🙂
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  46. Kim Gladwin

    Thanks for the videos, I am most definitely a people pleaser. My mother was overbearing and over protective. I wasn’t allowed to do anything on my own or make my own choices growing up. She still treats me like a child at 49. I am also a perfectionist especially in my work, for me these two adaptive types go hand in hand in my life. I end up feeling very resentful most of the time and would love to just be myself.

    Reply
    • Minna

      I’m definitely the outsider. I’ve been that my whole life.

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Hi Minna,
        Thanks for sharing.
        The sharing itself is a good step forwards, and away from the ‘outsider’ traits.
        I just wrote this about the outsider to someone else –
        Those that relate to this ‘type’ are usually people who didn’t get enough connection when they were very young. They need it, but they didn’t get it. So they then ‘adapt’ by forgoing the need for connection and believing that they have to do it all on their own.
        They tend to be self-sufficient people, they deeply desire connection, but are scared of it, and feel that they are ‘outsiders’ but make up for it by telling themselves that they don’t need others, that they’re different to others (and thus somehow justifying their separation), and also thus perpetuating the loop.
        When they start feeling safer in asking for connection, and they get it, they realise they’re not separate, and not so much ‘outsiders’ after all.
        So, Minna, just in this message, you’re asking for connection, and the healing has started 🙂
        Love to you,
        Gaia & John x

        Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hello Kim,
      Yes, you do describe a childhood set-up that requires the adaptation of people pleasing…
      And it’s clear that that’s not the true you.
      In the people pleasing healing process, once of the core aspects is to become comfortable with setting our boundaries by reconnecting with the healthy aggression that we actually had to suppress as children in order to please overbearing parents.
      This is such an empowering and life-transforming process 🙂
      You’ll probably get a lot from the next video as it maps out the path back to just being ourselves,
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  47. Suzanne

    Well I definitely resonate with Outsider and Helper although I hate these things about myself. A very inspiring and caring video, thankyou Gaia. I think that underneath my public persona is a very angry and frustrated child, I hope to learn more about helping this child through your teaching

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hello Suzanne,
      You might not realize this, but it is a very important part of this journey to get in touch with that anger and frustration –
      so well done 🙂
      Most of us had to suppress anger and protest when we were little when we weren’t accepted and loved in the way that was needed.
      So that anger is a strong life-force that we need to reconnect to, and it sets us free.
      Connecting with this old anger is all part of the process…
      More of this process coming soon,
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  48. Barbara

    I am the Independent one- trying to do it all on my own, and the Perfectionist-

    All to be sure my needs get met, that I will be seen, and that I won’t be rejected-
    But the Mask is on, for sure-

    It gets VERY tiring-
    I’ve been following you guys off/on for 3 years- I wish that I lived closer – I would come to you-
    You’re very inspiring

    Reply
    • Jacky

      Thank you for these videos, I always like a simple approach. I identify as an outsider, I think I’ve turned into some kind of badge of honour. I never feel like anyone sees the real me.

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Hi Jacky,
        It sounds like you are describing your way of protecting yourself…
        And, interestingly in the developmental trauma work that I use, this ‘badge of honour’ is called ‘pride-based-identification’, ie. something we take on as our own persona that feels becomes something like a quality of ourselves but in in fact is more like a screen that stops us from showing our true selves.
        But, as this is a learnt behaviour, it kind be unlearnt, and true feelings can be shown.
        Thanks for sharing,
        Love to you,
        Gaia x

        Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Barbara,
      I totally get it about being the independent one and trying to do it all on your own –
      To become okay with our vulnerability when we’ve learnt to avoid that is a big breakthrough. And it is huge to discovery that what we most feared (vulnerability and dependency) actually makes us feel freer.
      It would be lovely to see you on a retreat one day 🙂
      In the meantime, I do have a membership group and journey (and that can include 1-to-1s on Skype) and you’ll find out about that soon, so hopefully we can work together despite the distance,
      Love to you,
      Gaia x

      Reply
  49. Barbara

    I am a fan- I live in the US and started looking at you guys’s stuff 3 years ago-
    I so wanted to come to a Workshop but I live in the US-
    Maybe I will sometime-

    I am the One who tries to do it ALL herself (independent), and the Perfectionist-
    Painful and the way to try to survive, be seen, and not get hurt or rejected-
    But also very guarded-
    Painful

    Reply
    • Elaine

      Hmmm the identification with Superwoman is getting stronger. Having to be on top of everything and in control is so exhausting and I never do anything spontaneously! Too scared of getting it wrong. I also suspect I had more of the helper and the people pleaser traits as well when I was younger. Now I don’t – yet still struggle with guilt and shame when I listen to the real me who doesn’t want to help or meet the imagined needs of other people. Rather hopefully though I can see what my life would be like if I was just me and just pleased me without any guilt and fear. However I am just not quite sure yet how to get there……Thanks for the online group and the videos. It is all slowly sinking in.

      Reply
  50. XM

    Gaia, you have me in tears. I strongly resonate with all 5 patterns, the adapation is strong in this one and I’m trying oh so very hard not to judge myself for it. The glue of fear is also extremely strong and paralyzing. Thank you for bringing us hope. I’m looking forward very much to the next video. Love, XM (from the Fear to Love retreat in October 2016 on the Hill… yes it took me 3 years since to finally acknowledge the fear… finally ready for some love now!!! 🙂 <3 <3 <3 )

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Ohhh XM –
      So lovely to hear your words –
      And that you’re finally ready for some love, and acknowledging the fear.
      I’m very glad you’re trying not to judge yourself – really, don’t –
      The strongest part of the adaptation is that we concluded as children that there was something wrong with us, when in fact it was the environment that was wrong in not meeting us…
      so self-kindness is the opposite of that, and provides the healing…
      provides the ‘I am okay as me, right now’.
      That is at the core of my message and this healing path (back to you).
      Much love to you,
      Gaia x

      Reply
  51. jdk

    Heh … that last comment of mine was about Video 1, as I watched all of it for the first time today. And now Video 2 awaits! : )

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi…
      And you’ll love video 3 too – that’s out pretty soon – and gives the full ‘Path Back to You’,
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  52. jdk

    Hey there! Wow … yes, it is such a “big WOW!” as you said. Thank you so much for sharing. It really resonated with where I’ve been at personally during the last several years, and also it echoed some of the other life-giving voices in my life. So grateful to you both for all you do! : )

    Reply
  53. Anonymous

    I am superwoman and outsider. I need to perform to be seen and think that I have to do everything on my own. I am happy to be aware of this, for a start.

    Reply
    • Anita Jarvis

      I am the helper and people pleaser but I mostly saw the helper in myself it’s exhausting trying to help everyone and continue to feel let down when they don’t recognise your need for help

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Anita,
        Thank you for sharing –
        Yes, it really does work like that –
        when we keep helping others, we don’t really show up with our own needs.
        And we clearly don’t do this on purpose,
        it’s just that early in life we were not helped and nurtured in the way we deserved and so we learnt that it’s not safe to show up with our needs.
        But the reality is that you will be safe asking for help and people will get to see you.
        But I know that of course there are fears and other blocks in the way.
        You’ll see in the next video for how the whole process can work.
        Love to you,
        Gaia x

        Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Anon,
      And you’re right, that just becoming aware of this is a very good and healing start.
      Watch the magic start to happen,
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  54. Susan

    So simply and beautifully explained. Thank you.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Susan,
      And thank you for your message,
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  55. Rachel Roberts

    WOW!! Wow, wow, wow! This first video has been a lightbulb moment! Thank you so much. I can’t wait to find out what my adaptive mechanisms are and how I can use this information to start living a life that is reflective of the REAL ME 🙂 Much love x

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Rachel,
      We hope you’ve enjoyed watching about the adaptive mechanisms too –
      We’re so glad you’ve had a big realisation already – this is powerful work indeed.
      Love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
  56. Stephanie S

    Thank you so much Gaia, that was very powerful stuff. Your description of the perfectionist really resonated with me. You put things so simply and perfectly, it’s brilliant! I’m really looking forward to listening to the next seminar, thank you for all that you do xx
    Love Steph (Arco’s mum) 🙂

    Reply
    • Lee

      I’ve already had an aha moment from video 1, thank you 🙂

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        That’s great Lee,
        Here’s to more a-has the rest of the videos,
        Love to you,
        Gaia & John x

        Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hello to Arco’s mum from Arco’s mum,
      It’s always lovely to hear from you.
      Go on, do something imperfectly today if you’re a perfectionist 🙂
      See how it feels,
      Love to you,
      Gaia x

      Reply
  57. Shirley G.

    Just watched the 2nd video and now I am torn between wondering if I am an outsider or the people pleaser I initially thought after watching the 1st video. I guess a sign that it’s people pleaser, is that even when I fill out questionnaires about anything (be it a consumer review or an online mental health quiz), I fill it out as I THINK what they want to hear! I am aware I am doing it at the time, but can’t stop. I suspect it’s because I really don’t know WHO I am. Is this common? And thank you again Gaia for the beautiful video, can’t wait for the rest.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Shirley,
      Well most of us are all of them, so… 🙂
      And yes, it’s very common to not have a clear sense of who we are because of these adaptive behaviours…
      And the work to uncover our true selves and to take the path back to living from true feelings, rather than these adaptive feelings,
      I cover this path back in the third video 🙂
      I have a good question for you – what’s your biggest fear if you don’t try to work out what others want to hear?

      Love to you,
      Gaia x

      Reply
  58. Elaine scarlett

    Thanks guys iv followed you for years since the retreat in the hill that breathes. Doing a great job.x

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Elaine,
      Yes, it’s great to hear from you again –
      We hope you’re well –
      Enjoy the rest of the videos –
      We’ve just put up no.2, which is about finding out Which Adaptive Type You Are.
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  59. Fran

    Thank you for this, much to think about and I look forward to the next video. But what/who is the ‘real me’? I look back twenty years and I am a different person now (thankfully!) Is there such a thing as ‘the self’?

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Fran,
      Well, that’s a very good question.
      Gaia has many ways to go at this – ie. ‘what is the true me?’ –
      And you’ll see some of this in the third video which is about the full process on the ‘Path Back to Me’.
      She also just did a whole ‘Deep Workshop’ on this very subject as part of the private membership group that she has.
      Enjoy the rest of the videos and thanks for asking the right questions (of yourself, whoever that is 🙂 )
      John (& Gaia) x

      Reply
  60. Jill

    What a wonderful video and it’s truely amazing that you share the message so freely. Thank you for helping us all work through our blockers – you give so much and are truely such a beautiful soul.

    I realised at this year’s stromboli retreat that I don’t need to be less of me so that somebody can be more of themselves, and I think it comes from being taught at an early age that there’s no room for me / my personality when others are around. But you’d laugh if I told you what made me realise it. Glimmers of clarity happen when least expected and when you’re brave enough to just start the journey.

    Can’t wait to see the next video as I’m sure it will be as inspiring as the first. Xx

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Jill,
      Oh we want to laugh out loud. 🙂
      And that’s a beautiful insight.
      Memories of Stromboli 🙂
      And big love to you,
      Gaia & John x

      Reply
      • Jill

        I was pulling up the flush in the toilets at Osservatorio! Something about the action just clicked in my brain – told you you’d laugh

        Reply
  61. Anonymous

    You are so calming Gaia, thank you for this video.

    I am more worried that my husband is a people pleaser and I am taking advantage of it!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi –
      If you’re worried about it, show him the videos –
      Especially the one we’ve just released.
      If you’re happy with the way things are, don’t show him,
      Just tell him you’re watching some comedy on YouTube 🙂
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  62. Ruthie

    Hey

    Thank you. That was beautiful to watch.

    Wow that really hit home and was something I really needed to hear right now, it’s reminded me I need to be more myself and just how liberating that is in itself just to say. The simplicity but also getting right to heart of the matter was very impacting in this video, can’t wait for the next one!

    As usual you guys inspire me, you’re like the gift that keeps giving.

    Big hugs and love

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hey Ruthie,
      Oh that’s lovely to hear –
      And that we’re gift like, and keep on giving is music to our shiny wrapping paper.
      If you enjoyed that one, get stuck into the second one, just uploaded…
      Enjoy,
      Love,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
      • Ruthie Cunliffe

        It’s very shiny indeed, with a big shiny bow! Loving this series, thank you x

        Reply
  63. XM

    Dear Gaia (and family :)), THANK YOU for this… I have been waiting for you to come to us online. Your words are JUST what I needed to hear, I’ve become aware of exactly this for a while now, but am still stuck in trauma and not able to “be more me”. It’s terrifying, and it has nothing to do with willpower, the only tool I know. Looking forward to more of your wisdom and insights in this matter.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Xm,
      It’s a pleasure to be sharing this with you.
      And what you’re going through is perfectly natural.
      As you’ll see in the upcoming videos, when we do try to be more ourselves, and go beyond the adaptive patterns, it often brings up fear straight away.
      And you’re right, it has nothing to do with willpower (which is adaptive behaviour in itself).
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  64. Jan

    Thank you Gaia… So lovely to see you!!
    Discovering F**k It 6 years ago was the best thing I ever did!! It really changed my life and from the retreat in Urbino I gained the most wonderful F**k It family.
    I love the idea of being more me and to know just who I am and what that feels like…such perfect timing… Really looking forward to the videos ❤️ xx

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Jan,
      It’s lovely to hear from you.
      It is a very exciting journey isn’t it?
      Next video is out tomorrow – ‘The First Step’ – which is all about spotting our primary adaptive mechanism.
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  65. John

    After 22 years I am quitting my corporate job but for none of the common reasons. I have flexibility, Job security, a great boss, a great team and get paid a ton. Ask me ten times why I am leaving and I hear myself give ten reasons. This video may be defining the root of my decision, but I just did not know it. Hoping to learn more as I leave the security of my familiar and safe life to be more me, when I don’t have a clue how to do it.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi John,
      Yes, the upcoming videos might well shed more light on what’s underneath.
      You’ll see that Gaia is defining a ‘Path Back to You’ –
      and that really feels as if that’s what you’re on,
      Happy travelling,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  66. Shirley

    Gaia, thank you so much for this. I am a people pleaser, there’s no doubt, as I’ve thought that for years. However I don’t know who I really am, so am really looking forward to the rest of the videos. I am 65 years old, newly retired and still struggling to find out who I am. I spend a lot of time wondering what would happen if I were really me, and not the person everyone wants me to be.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Shirley,
      Thanks so much for your message.
      You’re really not alone in this – and it can be an exciting journey now, back to yourself.
      Yes, there’ll be a lot for you (the true you) in the other videos,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  67. Judy

    There’s a great saying . Just be yourself because everyone else is taken .
    So true and still we sometimes find it challenging. Thanks for thus great video . Best regards to you both . Judy Dyer . Bramcote. Nottingham
    Ps am still practicing qui gong

    Reply
    • Wendy

      Can’t work out how to leave a fresh comment! Thank you John and Gaia for your inspiring work and for sharing with us all

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Hi Wendy,
        Yes, it’s not easy to figure that out as these comments grow –
        as the submission box is now right at the bottom!
        We got ya though 🙂
        It’s a great pleasure to be sharing this –
        Enjoy,
        John & Gaia x

        Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hey Judy,
      It’s great to hear from you,
      and I’m very impressed you’re still practising, that’s brill.
      Yes, I’ve heard Gaia using that saying on retreats 🙂 It’s lovely.
      Love to you and Bramcote and Cow Lane 🙂
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  68. Michelle

    Wooow! What a great video! Thanks a lot! I just recently started the fuck it journey because of my habbit of buying a book in every city I visit. As it happened, a visit to Dublin led me to one of your amazing books (and to some very good live music). 🙂
    I am looking forward to the next videos!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Michelle,
      We’re chuffed you like the video –
      And the book (bought in the land of Feck It),
      Enjoy the journey,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  69. Shirley Lynch

    Excellent Gaia !!
    You look great and I love your long hair 🙂
    Keep the videos coming they are fantastic !!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Shirley –
      Gaia says “thanks Shirley, and for the hair compliment, much love to you”…
      I say – thanks and next video coming Saturday (Arco’s still putting the finishing touches to it – this is a family affair see),
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  70. Jacqueline

    I’m so proud to be part of the Fuck It movement. Thank you guys!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Jacqueline,
      And we’re so happy you’re part of it too 🙂
      Love,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  71. Jannette Warrener

    Great positive message-its what I’ve loved about the whole Fuck it journey and its made a huge impact on how I think about things.Thank you x

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Jannette,
      Thanks for your message –
      And you’re going to love the way Gaia brings the adaptive mechanisms to life in the next one (with the help of some nifty ‘mask’ films from Arco).
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  72. Anne Thorn

    I love the idea of this, but when I am more me I feel that causes more problems. If I am more me at work I get labelled difficult or a troublemaker. If I am more me in relationships I get told I’m making a scene or pulling a face. If I express my emotions I get told I’m confrontational. For most of my life I have been told to not be me to fit in. I get the concept but being me doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the world.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Hi Anne,
      Gaia here –
      I really hear you. You’re on a very conscious journey through this.
      It is hard to speak generically, and would be easier to explore 1-to-1 what’s precisely happening…
      But 2 things –
      1. There is a chance that some people are not right for us and unable to receive us in our truth.
      2. Sometimes there is something unexpressed in us, such as anger or disappointment or hurt, that can come out in our interaction with people, often without us being aware, and where it’s not necessarily about them, and this creates a jarring in the connection.
      The journey continues.
      Gaia x

      Reply
  73. Verena

    thank you so much. Always so wonderful to “see” you, but that was really the right thing at the right time – well, it always is, isn’t it?!?! 🙂 Thank you so much again and much love (love the glasses btw), Verena (now in fond memories)

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Verena,
      Gaia says thank you back – and that it’s lovely to hear from you – and thanks you for the glasses approval too 🙂
      Love to you from both of us,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        love to the both of you, of course, too, John!!!

        Reply
  74. Georgia

    I’m impressed by your depth, Gaia! Thank you very much for taking your time for us. Can’t wait for the next video

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Thanks Georgia,
      John here – just read your message out to Gaia and she says –
      ‘Thank you – and it’s a great pleasure, I love sharing this work’,
      J&Gx

      Reply
    • Liz

      Hi John and Gaia, Thank you for your generousity to share this. The people Pleaser hit me. What you explained about autonomy as a child struck me. I already made some steps, large and small. But I am in a very challenging situation right now where I reaeaealy want to be more me. Thanks for this video. I am very grateful for your sharing. Looking forward to nr 3! Love from Holland

      Reply
  75. Alex

    This is SO helpful! It feels very true. Thank you. I can’t wait for the next video.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Thanks Alex,
      We’re so chuffed you find it hopeful –
      And next video coming tomorrow or Saturday.
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  76. Karen

    Wow. This is truly revolutionary. It has been said so many times that in our essence we are connected to the whole universe with all its resources. Limitations arise only when we are no longer true to ourselves. Simple as this seems, it always remained a vague and abstract concept to grasp. The way Gaia touched on how our adaptive behaviour started and is interfering with our wellbeing, as well as the use of the white masks in the video, was so clear and straightforward that a lot of pennies dropped with me. Thanks you guys. Looking forward to the next video.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Karen,
      Thank you so much for your eloquent summary of the power of this.
      And I like the image of pennies dropping too – we’re not far from Brighton pier at the moment, where there are lots of machines with pennies dropping.
      That’s our game isn’t it in the arcade of life – to keep those pennies dropping – that makes us rich indeed 🙂
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  77. Carol

    Looking forward to the next video

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Thanks for your message Carol,
      Next one coming tomorrow or Saturday,
      J&Gx

      Reply
  78. Deborah Dolby

    Absolutely brilliant
    So easy to understand

    Reply
    • Laura

      Thank you Gaia! Your honesty , warmth and compassion for helping people to be more ‘themselves’ is very moving. I can’t wait for the next video. It’s early in the morning and I feel much more relaxed and positive about the day.

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Laura,
        Gaia says ‘thank you’ back –
        And I (John) will say this – if you found this one moving, gird yourself for the second one, it’s a beauty.
        J&Gx

        Reply
    • Liz

      Thank you So much for explaining this and sharing it!

      Reply
      • Suxanne

        Thankyou for this video, looking forward to more.

        Reply
        • John C. Parkin

          Thanks Suxanne,
          Next one coming tomorrow or Saturday 🙂
          John & Gaia x

          Reply
          • Edda Booth

            Dear Gaia,

            Such a touching, heartfelt message to all of us who try to live our life our own way, withiut being constantly manipulated, and influenced by other people and by those hidden internal or external sources, which affect our everyday life.

            There is a constant pressure that surrounds us from the moment we come into this world, and it is hard to get rid of it, but we can learn to take some control of our life, and stop others dictating it, or doing the thinking for us. Life is all about challenges, but we can lead a satisfying and rewarding life, if we can let things go and get rid of the self doubt and the fear that rules so many people’s lives in order to live up to the expectations of this modern and very demanding society, and often our dysfunctional families and workplaces.

            Your encouraging words are outstanding. It certainly helps so many people to reconnect with their inner self and look at this world differently.

            It was such a pleasure listening to your words, so beatifully articulated! You are the bee’s knees!

            All the very best
            A cyber hug sent to you from Hungary

            Love Edda xx

      • John C. Parkin

        Liz,
        Pleasure 🙂
        John & Gaia x

        Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Deborah,
      Thanks for your message –
      We’re so glad it works for you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  79. Donna

    So good to be among people who understand. A child who was blamed for everything that was wrong with our family and expected to put it right got tired. As I unfolded my 16 year old realised I was saying f**k a lot more and when she saw your book she knew it was the one for me. 10 years on I’m now living my life my way, still growing but loving the journey. Thank you for being there for me Donna

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Donna,
      That’s a great pleasure,
      And what a powerful and conscious path you’re on –
      We love being here for you (which we are) and supporting your journey,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  80. Christa

    Fantastic and insightful! Thank you, Gaia and John for this helpful video series…and especially for offering it for free. Your sincerity and generosity are inspiring, as well.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Thanks Christa,
      It’s lovely sharing Gaia’s message in this way, we love doing so,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  81. Catriona

    Over 50 years a mediator a people pleaser, and with low self esteem, however since being on a retreat with you all this spring I have had great fun finding out who I am when I stop trying and just be me, and most people around me are just fine with it. However in a current stressful situation this video is a timely reminder not to be sucked back into old behaviour patterns. Absolutely Excellent and I am spreading the word, thank you Gaia

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Catriona,
      Gaia says thanks and sends love to you –
      We’re happy this has provided a good reminder to allow you reconnect with that true you,
      Love to you,
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  82. Paula

    Simple, yet a mind blowing massive concept with the structure to define and re-gather our true self.

    Therefore, perhaps, equipping us with options for living a more fulfilling true and authentic self guided life.

    I really like it – thank you.

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Paula,
      That’s it 🙂
      And if you like that you’re going to really love what’s coming.
      John & Gaia x

      Reply
  83. Michaela Kuehn

    …amazing … each word from Gaia is so helpful and gives me so much inner peace so much connection to the real me… I am so thankful … love & hugs
    Michaela

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Michaela,
      Ahhh, we are so pleased this first one worked for you in this way 🙂
      Love & hugs back to you,
      J&Gx

      Reply
  84. Elaine

    So I love this. I love the analogy of the electricity being the problem and not lots of different things. I love that you keep things short and simple and very clear. I love most of all the masks. What a powerful image of how we all live our lives. Well done guys!

    Reply
    • John C. Parkin

      Thanks Elaine,
      Let’s rip off those masks 🙂
      We’re glad you enjoyed this first one,
      J&Gx

      Reply
  85. John C. Parkin

    Please do tell us what you think about this revolutionary idea – or anything else for that matter – here.
    Let’s get sharing 🙂
    John & Gaia xx

    Reply
    • jeremy tidy

      This is such an important subject and I’m so glad that this is out there for free. It is going to help me massively, having just realised that I haven’t been me for over 40 years. It will aid me and countless others on their journey. Thank you

      Reply
      • John C. Parkin

        Hi Jeremy,
        We’re so pleased you got so much from this first video –
        It’s a powerful realisation isn’t it – seeing that we haven’t been ourselves.
        Enjoy the rest of the series,
        John & Gaia x

        Reply
        • Bernadette

          Thank you Gaia & John. The poem about parents f**king you up, came to mind

          Reply
          • Jill

            Fabulous 2nd video – it was really quite an eye opener. I’m definitely an outsider & helper, and actually I’m not as uncomfortable with that as I used to be.

            Interestingly for me i think these adaptive behaviours stem from having emotionally abusive parents and being bullied at school and at home, the latter lasting into adulthood until a parent died.

            Helping people for me feels like it’s in my DNA, but I never thought of it as a coping mechanism until now. Interestingly though on the occasion it was clear to all I needed help, most people ghosted me or steered conversations to avoid having to hear me ask for help, which has made me see people in a very different and less forgiving light and dramatically less inclined to help other’s in the same way again – that was a major wake up call in my life!

            But even though I do want to belong to something / somewhere I’ve always felt like trying to fit in was like forcing a square peg in a round hole – it feels false. I’m used to feeling how I feel and whilst I know things are changing for me all the time I’m actually a lot more at ease with this fabulously imperfect me than I think I’ve ever been.

          • susan Hill-Brookes

            Your video no 1 (I shall read the others too). I was a born worrier! I am lucky in that my family, retirement, little money!, hobbies , health all wonderful. But so frustrated and upset by the awful cruelty in the world. Personally, I help animal welfare from factory farming, zoos, caged for various reasons, poaching and so on. Donate but feel totally helpless when bombarded with videos of the way they are treat in whatever country – often it is for reasons of culture, custom, religious , poverty or ignorance – just feel helpless I cannot change it – although do in a small way of course! thanks

      • Mandy

        There is no going back thanks to what you teach so simply ❤️

        Reply

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AN INTRODUCTION TO GAIA POLLINI and these VIDEO SEMINARS

Gaia is the co-author of the F**k It books, and co-founder of the whole F**k It thing.
She has been offering her liberating therapeutic teaching for more than 20 years in the form of retreats, workshops and 1-to-1s.
She teaches her ‘F**k It Be You’ retreats in different delicious locations around the world.

Gaia:
“I’m so excited to be sharing these new video seminars on ‘F**k It Be You’. 

I’m going to who you a revolutionary way to deal with any problems or troubles that you have – by going to the (hidden) source.

I’ll take you through the theory, based on cutting-edge, science-based therapeutic practices, designed specifically to work with trauma and developmental trauma, such as N.A.R.M. (Neuro Affective Relational Model), Somatic Experiencing, Part Therapy and Energy Work, and guide you through – 

  • The first step – identifying your adaptive type
  • The full system – the ‘Path Back to You’
  • How to incorporate this revolutionary method in your life to take that Path Back to You and thus resolve many problems naturally.

I hope you enjoy this special video seminar series.

I offer them to you with my love.

Gaia x