F**K IT BE YOU
1-to-1 SYSTEM
with GAIA POLLINI
A Message from Gaia
Dear beautiful friends,
Wow.
I’m so excited that we’re on this journey together.
As you know, the aim here is that you get support in Being Fully You –
- For those in the ‘Full System’, in your regular 1-to-1s with me
- With the monthly Deep Workshop taking you on a journey through the background to this work
- With the monthly online group when we explore that topic together, and you’ll witness 1-to-1 work in action
We’ve designed this so that –
- It’s manageable. Just turn up to the monthly online group having listened to the Deep Workshop (and do your 1-to-1 with me if you’re Full System)
- It’s a journey. I’m building up the experiencing, processing and learning gradually. You will really begin to understand how this all works. You’ll start seeing things about you and your dynamics; and how things have been and can change.
You will make new steps in your daily life. Over time, things will change, you’ll see.
We’re here to support you –
- I’m here to support you therapeutically, via the workshops and online groups and, of course, in our regular 1-to-1s for those who have them
- John looks after the emails and the recordings and pages like this
- Lou looks after any questions you might have, and helps you with Zoom so you’re fully comfortable with it.
That’s enough of bullet points, isn’t it?
I’m here. We’re here. To support you on this journey to Being Fully You –
F**k It Be You,
Big love,
Gaia
Your most recent Deep Workshop (Nov 2019) –
Enjoy the Journey into Being You
What makes us aim at being a finished product, rather than an unfolding journey into life and being fully ourselves?
This IS life. This IS the adventure. Your life now IS your adventure, right now.
When we want to be in a fixed ‘right place’, in a fixed self, that is part of the trauma – it’s the anxiety of wanting to have everything resolved, fixed and under control.
But when we feel okay, we are more like a river, moving and changing with life itself, happy for life to be play, exploration and discovery in every moment.
This is the joy of the Journey into Being You.
DEEP WORKSHOP 12 (November 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Thursday 21st November 2019, 7pm UK
Your link for the recording will be here after the group.
Your Deep Workshop Archive –
You’ll find all the previous Deep Workshops here,
With the link to the online group for each month below too.
Pride and Shame: the two sides of the same survival strategy coin (Oct 2019)
When we conclude, in childhood (because of adverse conditions) that we’re not deserving or good enough (shame-based identification), we develop the strategies to deal with that, and they can take us to the opposite end of spectrum (ie. pride):
“I can do it all on my own” and “I’m invincible”.
And shame.
Even though the proud thoughts feel better, they’re still survival / pride-based identifications.
We often yo-yo from one (shame) to the other (pride), never resting in a middle place:
“I am a human being with strength and vulnerability, and this is my beauty”.
You’ll find archived workshops further down the page.
DEEP WORKSHOP 11 (October 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Wednesday 23rd October 2019
Your link for the recording is now here.
Love, Sexuality and People Pleasing (Sept 2019)
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
5. The need for our love and sexuality to be welcomed
When this need for love and sexuality to be welcomed as a deeply integral part of us is not met in early life, the survival strategy later on is to try to improve our looks, our performance and how our lives appear from the outside. We want to be faultless because we feel hurt and rejected in something so core.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Perfectionist’.
DEEP WORKSHOP 10 (September 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 24th September 2019
Your link for the recording is now here
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
4. The need for autonomy and being allowed to be you (Aug 2019)
When this need for autonomy and being allowed to be you, just as you are, is not met, the survival strategy is to try to be and do like others want you to, whereas underneath you’re feeling resentful and are withdrawing your true self.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘People Pleaser’.
DEEP WORKSHOP 9 (August 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 20th August 2019
Your link for the recording is here
The 1-to-1 Month (July 2019)
In July, we take a pause on the five survival styles, and concentrate on Gaia’s 1-to-1s.
In the Deep Workshop, John will interview Gaia about her 1-to-1s: how she opens each session and quickly gets to the issues that matter.
The live group this month will feature Gaia doing a longer 1-to-1 with one of the group, on the subject of ‘trust’ (ie. last month’s topic), and with the usual chance to share deeply within the group.
DEEP WORKSHOP 8 (July2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 30th July 2019
Your link is here for the recording.
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
3. The need for trusting and safe dependency (June 2019)
When this need for trusting and being safely dependent is not met, the survival strategy is to want to control everything, overplan everything, to try really hard and always be very able and in charge of situations (and not trust).
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Super-Capable’.
DEEP WORKSHOP 7 (June 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 18th June 2019
Your link to the recording is here.
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
2. The need for sensitive and fulfilling nurturing (May 2019)
When this need for sensitive and fulfilling nurturing is not met, the survival strategy is to try and help and nurture others instead, and believe that our needs are not important, and that we don’t need help.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Helper’.
DEEP WORKSHOP 6 (May 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Wednesday 15th May 2019
Click here for your link.
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
1. The need for connection and welcoming (April 2019)
When this need for connection and welcoming is not met, the survival strategy is to disconnect from your feelings and from others, and we end up ‘doing it on my own’.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Outsider’.
DEEP WORKSHOP 5 (April 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Thursday 25th April 2019
Click here for the link.
The Hidden Source – our Survival Strategies (March 2019)
There are some behaviours that we learnt early in life and we unwittingly repeat through our lives. And these behaviours keep us imprisoned and untrue to ourselves.
This is a full introduction to these Survival Strategies, and the different ways in which, without wanting to, we cut ourselves from ourselves and our true feelings (based on NARM – the Neuro Affective Relational Model).
DEEP WORKSHOP 4 (March 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 19th March 2019
Click here for the link.
How Shame and Guilt Keep us Stuck (Feb 2019)
When our true needs and feelings emerge, if historically they were not fulfilled, it is likely that we will feel shame about these needs.
If we then actively behave differently to how we’ve been taught, it is likely we’ll feel guilt about our freedom.
Shame and guilt are often the glue that keep us stuck to the past. So it’s so helpful to know how to notice them, and then choose otherwise.
DEEP WORKSHOP 3 (Feb 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Thursday 21st February 2019
Click here for the link.
From Childhood Fears to a Powerful You (Jan 2019)
When fears become big and scary and stop us from expressing ourselves or doing what we want, they are usually old fears, from childhood.
This is an exploration of how, when we regress to these childhood fears and we get really stuck, we don’t realize that there is a present and powerful self available, right here, right now.
DEEP WORKSHOP 2 (Jan 2019)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 22nd January 2019
Click here for the link.
Full Aliveness (Dec 2018)
The first deep workshop is an exploration of ‘Full Aliveness’ – or ‘life-energy’.
It’s a reminder of the full aliveness that we all still have (but that has often, but have covered up due to our core needs not being met (in childhood).
Gaia explores how this happens, how the nervous system works and how to reawaken our life-force again.
DEEP WORKSHOP 1 (Dec 2018)
Your Online Group recording –
Tuesday 18th December 2018
Click here for the link.
“I feel so supported.”
A Summary of your ‘F**k It Be You 1-to-1 System’
It’s the following elements,
designed to fully support you in your life on a regular, ongoing basis.
And allow you to learn, grow and become freer, happier and more your true self over time (a real journey of growth).
Gaia has designed the System to provide total support, with regular Skype 1-to-1s, a monthly online group and deep teaching in a workshop.
And in the most efficient way possible (so just one evening a month and 1-to-1s via Skype).
New
Regular 1-to-1 support with Gaia.
- It’s regular Skype 1-to-1s that really work in addressing the Hidden Source of our problems and thus experiencing deep change and freedom.
- You will go on a journey of self-discovery where you can truly free yourself from anxiety, fears, limitations and behaviours that are not the true you (they’re learnt) – and this will bring a huge energy and joy to your life.
- And whatever’s happening in your life, you will know that you have your session with Gaia just around the corner to work things through with her.
New
Monthly online 1-to-1 group with Gaia.
- Each monthly group will cover the topic of that month’s workshop, and involve discussion and sharing around that topic.
- Then one person will get the opportunity to process 1-to-1 with Gaia whatever is happening for them.
Gaia has found in retreats that this is very powerful for the whole group too. - If you’ve been on a retreat with Gaia, you’ll know the deep power of being in a group. So this regular group get-together will be very special. Remember too that it is a closed group. So you’ll really feel the presence of others as you go on this journey together
New
Monthly deep workshop from Gaia.
- Just understanding how things work can help the process of growth and transformation. Just seeing why you’re a people pleaser, or a ‘helper’, or a ‘superwoman’ can help heal these adaptive mechanisms.
- Gaia will take you through progressive learning in the therapeutic foundations of this powerful work.
- Over time, you will develop a deeper understanding of the powerful therapeutic work, which then really supports your own process.
So overall it’s a multi-supported JOURNEY of self-discovery and healing.
Working with Gaia, you’ll discover more about yourself and heal.
You’ll learn more about the work and apply that to you life and heal.
You’ll share the journey with others, support and be supported and heal.
The patterns will dissolve.
Life will be more fully lived.
As you feel your way along this fabulous journey.
This is your learning JOURNEY through the workshops –
an education in the adaptive mechanism types –
You’ll probably recognize yourself in one of the ‘adaptive types’ here. Though we’re likely to have a mix of the adaptive mechanisms at play in our lives.
When you do see yourself in a type remember something key – this is not the true you.
Adaptive type 1:
Outsider
Adaptive type 2:
Helper
Adaptive type 3:
Superwoman/man
Adaptive type 4:
People Pleaser
Adaptive type 5:
Perfectionist
“I’m going to sing a different song now.”
The Full System
Regular 1-to-1s + Online Group / Workshop
£17 per month
£100 per 1-to-1 session (min. one per month)
- You pay a reduced monthly fee of £17 for The Full System FOREVER (and the price for others will go up next time)
- You become a regular client of Gaia (committing to at least one session per month, though two per month are recommended)
- You pay £100 / session rather than the usual £150 (a reduced price only available to Full System members) and can pay at the end of each month for that month’s sessions
- You join the monthly online group with Gaia. It is a closed group and will only open once a year, so we ask that you join with the intention of remaining in the Full System for at least a year
- You access the monthly deep workshop with Gaia
- This is the only chance to join as a Founder member at this price
Example of Full Session member:
Sarah pays £17 per month (recurring payment) to be a Full Session member (and thus get the whole package and the special 1-to-1 price).
She then has two sessions a month with Gaia. She is billed for those two sessions (ie. £200) at the end of each month.
She tunes in one evening every month to listen to Gaia’s deep workshop and join the online group.
She loves the fact that she has the deeper understanding of the therapeutic practice from the workshops. And the experience and support of the regular group. It gives a whole new aspect to doing the 1-to-1s with Gaia. Something to deepen and broaden the whole process.
If she ever wants to vary the frequency of 1-to-1s, she just talks to Gaia.
Sarah is sorted – she has full support at the Founder price. 🙂
Online Group / Workshop Only
£27 per month
- You pay £27 / month (‘Founder price’) for this option FOREVER (and the price for others will go up next time)
- You join the monthly online group with Gaia. It is a closed group and will only open once a year, so we ask that you join with the intention of remaining in the group for at least a year
- You access the monthly deep workshop with Gaia
- This is the only chance to join as a Founder member at this price
- This is only way to gain entry to regular 1-to-1s with Gaia in the ‘Full System’ option if you decide at a later date to ‘upgrade’ (availability allowing)
Example of Online Group & Workshop member:
Bernadette pays £27 a month (recurring payment) to access the online group and deep workshop with Gaia.
She tunes in one evening every month to listen to Gaia’s deep workshop and join the online group.
She learns so much in the workshop and then gets to see it and discuss it in practice in the group.
Because the group is closed (for a year at a time), it feels safe and supportive.
Sometimes she just likes to listen and experience. Sometimes she takes part in the discussion and one time she takes the opportunity to process one-to-one with Gaia within the group.
She loves that this is a regular group, with the same people, all supportive of one another. It’s good to know that she has this group there every month to spend time for herself, learning, experiencing and healing.
Bernadette also knows that, if she fancies becoming a regular client of Gaia, she’s at the front of the queue because of this membership.
Bernadette is happy that she’s getting this support and learning at the Founder price, and feels great to be involved in something like this from the beginning. 🙂
“You don’t judge me Gaia. And I’m now judging myself less.”
What’s Gaia’s full background?
Gaia Pollini has 20 years of experience in therapeutic support.
Many of you will know, or have heard about, Gaia.
She is co-author of the F**k It books and co-founder of the F**k It movement.
Gaia allows people to feel safe and secure. And yet free and strong enough to be themselves. She creates huge liberating experiences in all the work she does.
And the overall theme of her work is in rediscovering our true selves – ie. –
F**k It Be You
The foundation of Gaia’s work is her therapeutic training. So behind the free-flowing, intuitive ‘magic’ element – there is method, research, years of training, experience and therapeutic insight. This has been Gaia’s passion and work for more than 20 years. This is what she lives and breathes.
- Gaia is a Narm Practicioner (‘Neuro Affective Relational Model’) , working with Developmental Trauma, which concerns repetitive patterns learnt in childhood.
- She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner / Trauma Therapist (this is a specialist trauma healing methodology) .
- She is an Integrative Breath Therapist and Rebirther (this is deep instruction in ‘breathwork’ ).
- She is a trained Voice Dialogue Facilitator.
- She is a Clinical Hypnotherapist ( with additional clinical specialist training)
- She is a Qigong Practitioner, with 20 years’ experience
- She has counselling skills training
- She is a master of the Chinese tea ceremony and Chinese teas – and their healing effects..
Gaia has been offering regular personal support over the years to hundreds of people and she’s excited now to be supporting being in this new form of the ‘F**k It Be You 1-to-1 System’.
“Thank you Gaia. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
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Your F**k It Be You 1-to-1 System Calendar
12 months of goodness
This is a learning, experiencing and growing journey.
Here are the steps of that journey.
These are the topics of the Deep Workshops, then the consequent online groups.
Dates given are for the online groups (and the Deep Workshops are released before those groups).
Group: Tuesday 18th December 2018, 7pm UK
Full Aliveness
The first deep workshop is an exploration of ‘Full Aliveness’ – or ‘life-energy’.
It’s a reminder of the full aliveness that we all still have (but that has often, but have covered up due to our core needs not being met (in childhood).
Gaia explores how this happens, how the nervous system works and how to reawaken our life-force again.
Group: Tuesday 22nd January 2019, 7pm UK
From Childhood Fears to a Powerful You
When fears become big and scary and stop us from expressing ourselves or doing what we want, they are usually old fears, from childhood.
This is an exploration of how, when we regress to these childhood fears and we get really stuck, we don’t realize that there is a present and powerful self available, right here, right now.
Group: Thursday 21st February 2019, 7pm UK
How Shame and Guilt Keep us Stuck
When our true needs and feelings emerge, if historically they were not fulfilled, it is likely that we will feel shame about these needs.
If we then actively behave differently to how we’ve been taught, it is likely we’ll feel guilt about our freedom.
Shame and guilt are often the glue that keep us stuck to the past. So it’s so helpful to know how to notice them, and then choose otherwise.
Group: Tuesday 19th March 2019, 7pm UK
The Hidden Source – our Survival Strategies
There are some behaviours that we learnt early in life and we unwittingly repeat through our lives. And these behaviours keep us imprisoned and untrue to ourselves.
This is a full introduction to these Survival Strategies, and the different ways in which, without wanting to, we cut ourselves from ourselves and our true feelings (based on NARM – the Neuro Affective Relational Model).
Group: Thursday 25th April 2019, 7pm UK
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
1. The need for connection and welcoming
When this need for connection and welcoming is not met, the survival strategy is to disconnect from your feelings and from others, and we end up ‘doing it on my own’.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Outsider’.
Group: Wednesday 15th May 2019, 7pm UK
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
2. The need for sensitive and fulfilling nurturing
When this need for sensitive and fulfilling nurturing is not met, the survival strategy is to try and help and nurture others instead, and believe that our needs are not important, and that we don’t need help.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Helper’.
Group: Tuesday 18th June 2019, 7pm UK
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
3. The need for trusting and safe dependency
When this need for trusting and being safely dependent is not met, the survival strategy is to want to control everything, overplan everything, to try really hard and always be very able and in charge of situations (and not trust).
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Super-Capable’.
Group: Tuesday 30th July 2019, 7pm UK
The 1-to-1 Month
In July, we take a pause on the five survival styles, and concentrate on Gaia’s 1-to-1s.
In the Deep Workshop, John will interview Gaia about her 1-to-1s: how she opens each session and quickly gets to the issues that matter.
The live group this month will feature Gaia doing a longer 1-to-1 with one of the group, on the subject of ‘trust’ (ie. last month’s topic), and with the usual chance to share deeply within the group.
Group: Tuesday 20th August 2019, 7pm UK
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
4. The need for autonomy and being allowed to be you
When this need for autonomy and being allowed to be you, just as you are, is not met, the survival strategy is to try to be and do like others want you to, whereas underneath you’re feeling resentful and are withdrawing your true self.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘People Pleaser’.
Group: Tuesday 24th September 2019, 7pm UK
The Five Survival Strategies (and their Unmet Needs)
5. The need for our love and sexuality to be welcomed
When this need for love and sexuality to be welcomed as a deeply integral part of us is not met in early life, the survival strategy later on is to try to improve our looks, our performance and how our lives appear from the outside. We want to be faultless because we feel hurt and rejected in something so core.
So the survival ‘type’ here is the ‘Perfectionist’.
Group: Wednesday 23rd October 2019, 7pm UK
Pride and Shame: the two sides of the same survival strategy coin
When we conclude, in childhood (because of adverse conditions) that we’re not deserving or good enough (shame-based identification), we develop the strategies to deal with that, and they can take us to the opposite end of spectrum (ie. proud):
“I can do it all on my own”
“I’m invincible”
Even though these feel better, they’re still survival / pride-based identifications.
We often yo-yo from one (shame) to the other (pride), never resting in a middle place:
“I am a human being with strength and vulnerability, and this is my beauty”.
Group: Thursday 21st November 2019, 7pm UK
Enjoying the Journey into Being You
What makes us aim at being a finished product, rather than an unfolding journey into life and being fully ourselves?
This IS life. This IS the adventure. Your life now IS your adventure, right now.
When we want to be in a fixed ‘right place’, in a fixed self, that is part of the trauma – it’s the anxiety of wanting to have everything resolved, fixed and under control.
But when we feel okay, we are more like a river, moving and changing with life itself, happy for life to be play, exploration and discovery in every moment.
This is the joy of the Journey into Being You.
I loved the last ‘live’ session (well I enjoy them all and being part of ‘it’) and the big thing I picked up on is that when I think of Trust I automatically think of others and how I interact with them and how they may have hurt/betrayed etc. I’ve never truly considered how/if I trust myself (or not) so this really opened my eyes to exploring this further. If I could draw this it may look rather a rather naff clip art light bulb 🙂
Don’t know if anyone reads these any more but just wanted to say I love your collage Anne.
Elaine,
Ha, I (John) have just read it –
And, given Anne is here on Stromboli with us this week, I’ll tell her myself 🙂
Jx
Loved the American tribe story. Loved that the focus was on loving and welcoming the new person right from the beginning, instead of the child being some kind of afterthought for a couple or perhaps a means of meeting their needs for love. Love to that everyone learned the child’s song because it really does ‘take a village’ to raise a child. Every mother and father needs a support network around them. Nobody can do it alone. What a shame we in the uk have largely lost that sense of community and now people are suspicious of anyone else interacting with ‘their’ children. What a shame this isn’t the norm. It made me sad.
Thank you for mentioning that it is not uncommon to relate to all 5 survival styles. After I listened to the workshop I though “oh no, am I *that* messed up?!!” Also, (shame and guilt again!) I felt terrible about how I often behaved myself during my son’s first 6 years of life. I know that I can’t go back in time and fix things but I feel so guilty!
Evelyn I also identified with all five so you are not alone! Other people might spot one or two that are stronger, but I know they are all there.
Just wanted to say another heartfelt thank you to everyone for last nights session. It was so helpful to me an today feels different again. I actually told someone who is very close to me that her constant negativity was playing havoc with my head. Delivered and received well. I didn’t go into that child like space I just spoke my truth at the time with no intention other than to say I couldn’t listen at that time. It actually felt perfectly ok. Love and appreciation
Welcome to the new home of your conversations.
This is where you can share your thoughts with others in the group, especially around Deep Workshop and live group time.
John